When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
