And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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