I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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