no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Did you just see the Batmobile???
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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