4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
