cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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