My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I want her autograph on my taint
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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