yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
