Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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