found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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