He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
