I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
