Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
