I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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