I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
