conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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