That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
