Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
