Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
