Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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