Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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