i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
