it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
