Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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