I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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