we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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