He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
