Pappa wants mamma naked
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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