No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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