hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
