It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
