Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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