While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
