That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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