My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
