i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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