So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
