His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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