Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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