how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
