I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
