she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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