I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize