Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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