Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
