just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
