haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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