when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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