I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
