So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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