So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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