so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
