1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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