I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
