Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
