Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
