i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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