theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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