Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
