i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
