I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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