I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
