I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
