I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
