so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
