wanna go halves on a baby?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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